Married men. They must be so appealing. But why? Let’s explore that… He’s probably been married for a while, probably a little lonely, even a little sex deprived. The reality is, his wife probably feels the same way. See, that’s what happens from time to time in a marriage. And if both parties are not fully committed to bringing it back together, it will fall apart. However, this is where you come in. This married man shows you a little attention and instead of recognizing the gravity and the breadth of what you are getting yourself into, you give him that attention back. You are both to blame. Him more than you, but still very much you.
It may not dawn on you for still quite some time in your life the effect that you have had on his family long term, and I will get to that in a later blog, but I would like to address the short term realities that you so painfully forgot to consider when you embarked upon this journey.
For starters, EVERY relationship in the history of EVER starts off all warm and fuzzy and butterflies and fun. It’s really quite amazing, it’s like a drug. You feel important and valued, and who doesn’t want that? But, let’s really tear this one open. He has a wife, and kids, at home, which means a lot of responsibility and stress. You guys go out on dates, lay in bed (well clearly not lay) for hours on end, go for walks, etc. This is not real life, not for him anyway. You don’t know the real him when it comes down to it. You know the fun-loving, easy-going guy that doesn’t have any responsibilities for the times that he is with you. You are easy. It’s easy to slip into bed with a woman who hasn’t been cleaning, doing laundry, cooking dinner, paying bills, taking care of children, and driving all over creation to do all these things. His wife might be tired and probably will require a little more romance than a grab of the ass to be so open for business. It’s easy to spend hours on end out to dinner and on romantic walks, when you don’t have to worry about your kids at home (you know, since his wife is taking such good care of them at home). You are easy. Real life is hard. But you, are easy.
So, to any woman that is finding herself on the receiving end of some attention from a married man… He is in the wrong! 100%. Period. How you choose to handle it, is up to you. Don’t believe him when he tells you that you are not the first, it’s a manipulation meant to make you feel less guilty. Don’t believe him when he tells you how terrible his marriage is, he’s making himself feel less guilty. Don’t believe him when he says his wife distant or cold or not giving him sex, it’s him rationalizing his shitty behavior to make it all seem like it’s anything less than his fault that he is stepping outside of his vows. His wife is probably lonely, over worked, stressed out, and far under appreciated. And if that isn’t enough to convince you to at least take a pause, then put yourself in her shoes. Think about how you would feel if your husband was doing the same thing to you. Don’t say to yourself, “if it’s not me, it will be someone else.” Let it be someone else.