Do you know what you did?

I want to ask her that.  Do you know what you really did?  I am fully aware that my husband did it, too.  But, do you really know what life is like after you?  I see your blog about how upset you are that your EX broke up with you and blah, blah, blah.  I want to feel bad for you, because I am a decent person, but I don’t.  The thing is that you will NEVER feel the way I do.  You will never hurt with the deepest, most painful, gut wrenching, heart crushing, soul ripping PAIN ever felt.

At least he has to look at it.  He watched me sob on the bed the night I first found the texts, which didn’t reveal the full truth.  He saw me crying in the shower and for the next few days trying to comprehend where I had gone wrong.  He saw me go bat-shit crazy the day I found the files on his computer.  You know what they were for.  He saw a side of me that I didn’t even know existed, much less him.  And the day that I found it all out, he listened and watched as I had a full blown panic attack.  Starting with the uncontrollable crying, then the hyperventilating, throwing up, and then back to hyperventilating.  I laid on the floor, feeling completely helpless and worthless and like I wanted to die.  He gets to witness my pain.  He gets to see what he did.  You, are clueless.

Do you know that my kids are not stupid?  They are probably smarter than you.  They know that Mom is falling apart and they know that Dad did something to cause it.  They are mad at him, too.  They have overheard things and they are putting things together.  They have lost respect for him.  My oldest wrote a note that asked, “when I was waiting at home, anxious to see you, waiting for you to come in the door, were you with her?”  If that doesn’t break your cold, black heart, nothing will.

You seem like the type that won’t even begin to understand any of this.  From things you have written, you cheated on your husbands in the past.  So, clearly you lack morals and values.

Anyway, this is where I am today.  Still, the blame is not all yours, but you knew he was married, and did what you did anyway.  I sincerely hope that karma gets you.  And for all that is good in this world, I hope you blog about it.