Is this all a dream?

I know we are all different.  All of our circumstances are different. But, do you ever feel like you MUST be the only person in the world dealing with your exact set of issues?

I feel that way.  I know there are, unfortunately, a literal ton of women whose husbands have cheated.  And I am sure that some of those women have had the other woman contact a family member of theirs afterwards.  I am less sure that many women have had the other woman send an email to their husband and the other woman’s own father, listing all of her belongings, bank account info, life insurance info, and saying goodbye.  Even fewer women have had that same father hire a private investigator and have questions to answer from him.  And even fewer women, I hope, have heard back that the homicide department is now investigating the situation.

She’s killed herself.  At least that’s what I am led to believe.

And I feel guilty.  I read a blog she wrote about committing suicide and then another about her getting a gun.  I called the police and had them sent to her house to make sure she was ok.  I don’t know what happened because I called anonymously, but I can only imagine she said she was fine and they left.  That was 2 days before she killed herself.

How does a person move forward? How do I do anything more than exist? I didn’t care for her actions, but I never wished this end for her.  I tried. I prayed for better for her.  I hoped that her blogs were only words and not realities.  I reported her blog on wordpress for being suicidal.  I wanted someone to help her.  Should I have done more?

How is this my reality? How is this my life? I feel even more alone than ever.