Is this all a dream?

I know we are all different.  All of our circumstances are different. But, do you ever feel like you MUST be the only person in the world dealing with your exact set of issues?

I feel that way.  I know there are, unfortunately, a literal ton of women whose husbands have cheated.  And I am sure that some of those women have had the other woman contact a family member of theirs afterwards.  I am less sure that many women have had the other woman send an email to their husband and the other woman’s own father, listing all of her belongings, bank account info, life insurance info, and saying goodbye.  Even fewer women have had that same father hire a private investigator and have questions to answer from him.  And even fewer women, I hope, have heard back that the homicide department is now investigating the situation.

She’s killed herself.  At least that’s what I am led to believe.

And I feel guilty.  I read a blog she wrote about committing suicide and then another about her getting a gun.  I called the police and had them sent to her house to make sure she was ok.  I don’t know what happened because I called anonymously, but I can only imagine she said she was fine and they left.  That was 2 days before she killed herself.

How does a person move forward? How do I do anything more than exist? I didn’t care for her actions, but I never wished this end for her.  I tried. I prayed for better for her.  I hoped that her blogs were only words and not realities.  I reported her blog on wordpress for being suicidal.  I wanted someone to help her.  Should I have done more?

How is this my reality? How is this my life? I feel even more alone than ever.

4 thoughts on “Is this all a dream?

  1. You did all you could. The damage those two did to you, the damage she did to herself do not belong to you. They, your husband and the OW, own them. You and your children are collateral victims. YOU DID NOT CAUSE THIS. YOU DO NOT OWN THIS.
    Btw, what has your husband said? Is he remorseful? Does he own his part? This is on him and on her. Not you.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. People need people that truly care. Police do not do preventive work unfortunately. There’s a national suicide hotline – 1-800-273-8255. Also there are support groups for survivors of suicide loss. You should probably look into a support group. I can’t imagine what you are feeling right now.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I am really curious about her blog now. I almost wanted to ask you for the link.

    I would be torn. Yes, every woman is different. And though we base our blog on the experience of being betrayed, we all have different circumstances, and different ways of dealing with it.

    Even though we haven’t walked out of the door, we need to have our way to resuscitate our own crushed core.

    I am sorry, for the way she gave up on her life, and the way her suicide is now a part of your lives. I think, that this episode will cast a long shadow on your relationship at home too. How is your husband dealing with this?

    One thing, you did not do her wrong. Second thing, you did not take away something from her. She and your husband did.

    Will it affect you? It would.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. This is not your burden to carry. It’s a terrible thing for everyone concerned that this event has been added to the mix. You are dealing with enough. Please please don’t take this on. Speak to someone if you think it will help. Thoughts and prayers are with you.

    Liked by 3 people

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