Value

I hate the way I fumble for words so often.

I want to write.  I want to talk about how I’m feeling, but I sound stupid.  I’ve read back over some of my previous blogs and I want to rewrite them or take them down.

I want to write about so many things, but my words fail me.  I want to write about how lonely I was for so many years.  I want to write about when I told him that I was lonely, when I told him I was unhappy, when I tried to tell him that I needed more from him.  But, the ability to write about these things with any eloquence at all escapes me.

I feel more frustrated than anything.  And today I am already angry.

I place too much of my own value in how the people I love feel about me.  I need the people I love to love me back and value me.  When I don’t feel love, I don’t value myself.

I guess I need to work on that.