I hate the way I fumble for words so often.
I want to write. I want to talk about how I’m feeling, but I sound stupid. I’ve read back over some of my previous blogs and I want to rewrite them or take them down.
I want to write about so many things, but my words fail me. I want to write about how lonely I was for so many years. I want to write about when I told him that I was lonely, when I told him I was unhappy, when I tried to tell him that I needed more from him. But, the ability to write about these things with any eloquence at all escapes me.
I feel more frustrated than anything. And today I am already angry.
I place too much of my own value in how the people I love feel about me. I need the people I love to love me back and value me. When I don’t feel love, I don’t value myself.
I guess I need to work on that.