How do you forgive someone when you don’t feel like they are sorry?

I am a Christian.  And, as a Christian, I am called to forgive.  Whether the other person is sorry, or not.  But, I don’t know how.  I know that forgiveness is a gift I give myself and blah, blah, blah.  How?  How do people truly forgive their spouse for an affair?  What if you don’t really feel like the offender is sorry, or regretful?  What if you just really don’t think that they understand the impact that their actions had on you?  What if they seem like they are sorry in the same way they would be sorry for stepping on your toe?

I feel like I have a virus, that is infecting every part of me. It’s making me sick, in all of my body, my mind, my heart, my soul.  My mental health has taken such a hit it’s scary to me.  My physical health is suffering.  I have constant pain in my neck and shoulders that can only be attributed to stress.  And my heart, is just broken…

I have no desire to forgive, but I feel like I am supposed to.  Why should I forgive?

Anyone have any tips or ideas or care to share where they are at on this one?

5 thoughts on “Forgiveness??

  1. You have the head knowledge that forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. It’s true. It’s not for him. Forgiveness isn’t supposed to make him feel better. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that what he did to you or continues to do is okay. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that what happened to you doesn’t matter. And certainly forgiveness doesn’t mean you trust him. He has to earn your trust again. Forgiveness means that you stop hurting yourself because of what someone else has done to hurt you. It is a part of your healing process regardless of whether or not he chooses to change because your healing is dependent on what you do, not on what he does or doesn’t do. Forgiveness does not mean you are choosing to restore your relationship. It means you are choosing to restore you. That is why it is the gift you give yourself. For me, I did forgive my husband fairly early in my recovery. But that is because I was working my own recovery program (individual counselling, recovery support group, reading recovery material, etc) and didn’t make any quick decisions on whether or not I wanted to try to save my marriage. All I knew was that I needed to stop hurting and be okay with or without him. Focusing on me. Hugs and blessings.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I tell this to everyone. Forgiveness cannot be forced.

    You are under NO obligation to forgive your husband.

    People who are in the favor of forgiveness, (besides the religion bit), talk about the health benefits of forgiveness, saying that it reverses the energy we are expending on holding the grudge.

    My physical and mental health went to the gutter over this. I am still not ready to forgive him for what he did.

    Is your husband not remorseful? Has he apologized?

    My husband is remorseful, and wants me to please just forget it. I can’t.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. My husband says his remorse, but it is difficult to believe or receive. I am not sure or steady in his knowledge or understanding of the pain and complete devastation he caused. My physical and mental health took a leap off a mountain as well.


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