Thanksgiving is a hard time. It is definitely going to be a day that “triggers” me for a long time. For a few reasons. One is that last year, for the first time in probably 10+ years, I cooked our meal at home. In the past, I had been out of town with family while he stayed home and worked. Well, as I found out later, he actually celebrated thanksgiving with his whore a week before he did with his actual family, while I was out of town for a wedding. This will forever be a thing that messes with me. Not only that, but he wrote a little note to her about it, about their celebration and how he “took a big bite” out of her turkey and how he’s so glad they can be silly and be themselves around each other. Then, after I found out about her and he cut off ties with her, she wrote a note to my mother in law, on mother’s day, saying “I just want you to know that your son stuck his face in my turkey and took a big bite.”
I wonder when I will ever feel normal again. Or feel whole again. Or stop feeling so stupid. I hate that I have to pretend that everything is ok so that everyone around me is comfortable and happy. Just like I pretended like everything was fine and let him walk all over me while he cheated on me.