Tomorrow is another marriage counseling session.  I am so sick of dealing with all of this.  I cannot wait until I feel like myself again.  I cannot wait until I can go through one single day not on the verge of an emotional breakdown.

Today I lost it.  I cried, sobbed, over nothing. Just a normally stressful day, that I couldn’t handle.  Who am I?  I used to be strong.  And independent.  And trusting.

I do remember a point in my marriage where I had the train of thought of “I hope he is cheating, so I can catch him and get a divorce.”  I remember how freaking miserable I was and how I was looking for an escape.  Why have I stayed?


4 thoughts on “Counseling

  1. You have stayed because you think you can work this out.

    You have kids? Is he a great Dad? You have stayed because the kids need their Dad, and you think you can create a working relationship with him.

    You think that except this cheating, he is not really a bad person, and if you can somehow find forgiveness, you will be able to let go of this.

    You think that staying is better than leaving, because leaving may not be any better than staying.

    I don’t know your reasons. But it could be atleast some of the ones I put above.

    Hope you do have your answers soon.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I know I’m a broken record here, but are you and/or your husband doing individual counselling? In my opinion, marriage counseling is close to a waste of time unless each person within the marriage is healing and becoming healthier independently. You can’t have a healthy marriage if the people within it are broken. Once you begin caring for yourself, you will see yourself, your husband, your marriage, your situation with more truth and clarity and be able to honestly answer your questions.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Sorry that I don’t reply often. I am not in individual counseling. I was before and I will be again soon, but it was just way too expensive. The marriage counselor we see is not covered by insurance, so it’s $75 every time we see her. She wants to see me alone, but it’s another $75 each time I go. I don’t feel like my husband is going to go alone, and I think he needs to. I know I need to, though, too.


      1. I know it’s expensive, but worth it sweetie. I didn’t have insurance either but I told my husband it was cheaper than a divorce. We spent $1,000 in our first month of recovery, and again the next month. But it has given me a solid foundation and led to change and healing. My health was, and is, worth it. You are more valuable than the money!!

        Liked by 1 person

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